只怪我太不会低头

Sitting on my bed with lights off, staring on the wall with broken heart

To be honest, I dunno how long can I stand

Head is heavy and dizzy, heart is tiring and bleeding

Body is in high temperature yet I feel my heart is turning cold

Till I shivered and hide in my blanket

The feel is juz like having fever when I was young, thirst for the hug from my parents

Tears at both cheeks symbolized how much I miss...

"Mama, outside here isn't fun. I wanna go home.".

R.E.S.E.T

Woke up early to attend classes and a Relaxation Workshop today, hope to get a piece of peaceful mind..... It was relaxing but then I juz cant get myself relaxed, I feel my body is so tensed up......for some invisible burden. Not the invisible spirits kinda things in Shutter of cuz, but juz tension. LOL! Therapist said there's a child in our hearts and asked us to talk to him/her. I closed my eyes and try to imagine that is it the child is still inside me......and I found her. The one that left behind and tend to live in her own world. She's lonely but she seemed to have get used to it. I felt heart pain and sorry for her, for neglected her feelings all this while. The long lost ME. I love her. I said sorry to her, I asked for forgiveness. I thanked her for always be there for me. I found that since the day I was born till the moment sitting here typing this, I never open up my heart to anyone. How pathetic is that? Humans are juz so damn pathetic. =) Recently always got those existential thoughts. xD Maybe I'm overprotective to myself.

Believe it or not, humans are selfish. No matter how close you with that person is, you won't be the one who get in his/her mind at the first place, cuz humans always treat themselves better than anyone. When I first discovered this fact few years back, I couldn't accept it cuz I always think that this world is beautiful and kind. But as time goes by, I learnt and I'm numb of those shit. I cant feel much emotions in me when others treat sth so seriously. Maybe.....cuz I'm not surprise, as it is human's nature?? =) Like it or not, this world is always too much of restriction. Till now, I don't have the guts to against those rules that bear on me. Kinda coward right? Aiks....useless.

Every time meet some cruel things outside here, home is always the place that I wanna hide myself in. So I always think that family is the one who treat me the best. Maybe some may feel sad and disappointed of what I said here, but I would rather die if there's no family waiting for me there. There's none couldn't survive without who, juz depends on what is your choice. To be continuously fallen behind or stand by your own feet. For me, I believe I can survive pretty well without anyone with me, but without the Kongs', I would choose to be fallen behind and to be rotten up. Eventually end up dying. =D Don't argue or re-correct my thinking, juz lemme be. =)

I always got too much of principles and rules in me, sometimes it is indeed tiring and heavy. I have boundaries, I have privacy. Inside living a rebellious me. I never wanted someone to tell me what I should do, what I shouldn't. If you're the person, perhaps you should reconsider whether you can stand of my stubborn attitude or not. Cuz I can make your life miserable. Not revenge or what of cuz, haha....... But then I'm who I am. Unless you yourself are great enough to earn my will. Maybe Im self-centered? I juz love to be the ori me. I never thought of changing myself cuz of someone, you either take it or leave it. As simple as that. *teehee* But some said you should change to a better you for the one you love. What if I'm happy and comfortable with the current me? Sickening. Tao tia. >.<>

Even the process is killing and tiring, but I believe if there's a will, there's a way. All depends on your determination and thinking. But gotta be really strong mentally of cuz. Sometimes I blame myself for being too rational and hurt others beside me. As I said, I cant get myself relax and tensed up. Im too tight up for all of the regulations and principles. I carry sin together with me. Maybe Im someone who's hard to get along well with? I appreciate people who show care and love to me all this awhile, thousand thanks to them. As a return, I love and care of them more than towards anyone too. To save them from misery of getting hurt from me, I will step back. Love me to a limit, don't love me to the max.

Reset, keep back my emotions and feelings in me. Buried the unforgettable love deep inside of me.

从来都是一个人 =D

Je suis Triste

Hey all, Im back!!! Finally. xD Sorry that I stop blogging for such a long long time, haha. Hmph.....firstly, wad am I gonna update le? Yeah......I've started my 2nd year in 2010 and it's totally different with my 1st year. It's much more work to do. I mean, really MUCH MORE work to do. Assignments and mid term-s all come together almost at the same time, which really stress me up. Actually Im kinda low mood today, haha. But why am i still laughing when I said Im down? Discrepancy here. But sometimes, not shedding a tear is much more pain than crying out loud. Thats my feeling now......perhaps. =) *wink* It's so good to cry in rain or shower, you know? At least, it won't let others to know you're actually crying. Today I went to see doc, cuz I ain't feeling well so I was absent for my French class. Owh~ French~ Je'taime!! xD

Distance and apart is sth........difficult and breathless. It is really not easy at all. All it needs is trust. Gotta be strong, once you've chosen to be apart from each other. There's no IF when you wish to turn back time. Time waits no man and it juz keep going. Cruel, aye? Yea, it is. I've chosen to leave my home sweet home, coming all way long to a place that I have no idea about. Is it sth stupid or brave? Haha.....depends on you guys la. Choosing Psychology at Utar, is my own choice. Still rmb that dad asked me whether I really decided to go to Utar, I replied him yes. Without thinking of any further. Now thinking it back, it's really kinda......impetuous? Well, Im headstrong. >.< Undeniably, till now I am.

There's so much thing suppressed at the bottom of my heart. I know its unhealthy, I know it may cause me to have psychological prob if I don find a way to express it out. But, Im not get used to talk my prob to someone. Hmph.....not good not good, ho? Haha. Luckily, Im able to disclose a lil in my own blog. *teehee* These two weeks are my critical week in this sem, excluding my final exam week la. Haha. Assignments, mid term-s, all in these 14 days. Killing......me........slowly and softly. Long piak-ing. But long piak wont help. How good if long piak can helps to finish my assignments and done my mid term-s. In my dream tonight maybe will come true. *teehee* It really need courage and strength to keep moving on, alone. For me. There's no mum and dad take care of my routine life here, but all by myself. I questioned myself, why am I still not get used of life here, although one year had passed? Haha.......and I laugh at myself. I know my health isn't good but I still keep on doin sth that hurt myself. What's the point? Life is ridiculous. Unknown. Im an adult but Im still a mummy's girl. I may seem independent and steady in front of others, but Im a child in my parents' eyes. Im forever a child when Im with them. At this moment, I really miss them. I console myself that Im seeing them soon. To let myself feel better. I miss the moment when dad holding my hands walking and I miss the time when I lay on my mum to watch tv.

Oh no!! I will never grow up if I continue to be like dis. But, who cares? As long as Im happy and my parents are okay with it. =p I love my family till Im willing to sacrifice myself for them. Thats wad I shud do, cuz parents also sacrifice for their children, right? Right. Hell yea. == I sound like Im a good girl but I rebel my parents too. When Im young la, of cuz. Who doesn't have teenage life wor, right? Right. xD Oh no......my mood is really down to hell. Till I cant find where is it. How? Torchlight-ing. I still cant find it. Where had my heart gone to? To nowhere. I hate distance. From now on. I never think that distance is such a big deal, when I was young. == As time goes by, I hate it more and more. Dislike. Shi ro.

Fighting for myself!!! =)

Thanks for cheering up my life, letting me to live my life happier and easier. Thanks to travel all way long juz for meeting me up. Thanks for standing by me since from the beginning. Your love to me is always powerful and strong. All the care and support from you I've received, and I will stand up on my own. Pushing myself. Encouraging myself. Loving myself. =)



If there is an IF. I. Choose to stay.

Thanks for Watching as I Fall

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cried
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my hearts are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left are lying on the floor
And they smell just like you
I love the things that you do
When you walk away
I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my hearts are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

We were meant for each other
I keep forever
I know we were
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I do I give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe
I need to feel you here with me

When you're gone
The pieces of my hearts are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you



Don't leave me hanging in a city so dead.

Still a mummy's girl

I couldn't tell you why she felt that way
She felt it everyday
And I couldn't help her
I just watched her make the same mistakes again
What's wrong what's wrong now
Too many too many problems
Don't know where she belongs where she belongs

She wants to go home but nobody's home
It's where she lies broken inside
With no place to go no place to go to dry her eyes
Broken inside

Open your eyes and look outside find the reasons why
You've been rejected and now you can't find what you left behind
Be strong be strong now
Too many too many problems
Don't know where she belongs where she belongs

She wants to go home but nobody's home
It's where she lies broken inside
With no place to go no place to go to dry her eyes
Broken inside

Her feelings she hides
Her dreams she can't find
She's losing her mind
She's fallen behind
She can't find her place
She's losing her faith
She's fallen from grace
She's all over the place

She wants to go home but nobody's home
It's where she lies broken inside
With no place to go no place to go to dry her eyes
Broken inside

She's lost inside lost inside
She's lost inside lost inside




I grew up in a happy family, with a cute dad, a caring mum and two adorable sisters. After all the hard times been through, I juz need the embrace of my family. Thanks for giving me the strength to keep moving on. All I want is to cherish you all, for all of the sweetest times, for all the love and care.


I miss home. (=

No title

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did you fell so hard
I've learned the hard way so never let it get that far

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid

I lose my way and it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break when it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I find it hard to trust not only me but everyone around me
Because of you I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night for the same damn thing

Because of you I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you I am afraid

Because of you Because of you




Never stop missing you.....the Kongs'.

Ta Da!!!~ ^^

Back to blog gain, ppl!~ Lemme hear u scream!!! WooTsSss~~!!! LOL. Lame. =p Firstly hor, i wanna explain y am i so damn long time oso din update my blog le? Cuz lo....i dunno y cant get in the website to blog le, tried for days n times juz can, means now juz can lo. Haiz~ Yak si la!! xD Blek!

Hmph....August i've back to Kch attending Jolly's convo. She look sweet n nice on that day n we Kongs' feel so happy for her indeed. My proud Belly n Jelly n my cutest Molly, haha. We have took some pics on the convo day. Under the hot sun le, ppl!! Sacrifice alot for my Jolly er....see~~ Come from so damn far to attend Jolly's convo, so wei da ho!! LOL. Kidding la, that's wad i shud do n i have to do. =p N i felt happy n excited to go back in fact. Wuhoo~~!!

Next, after staying 3 days in Kch then back to uni gain. ag~ag~ag~ -.-" Haha. Continue the presentation period during that time. Not heavy for me but indeed it's relaxing, since no exam n assignment, haha. I've went to Ipoh n Penang during the month of August n i had great times!! WeeEeeeEeee~~!!! Haha. Ss here ba. haha. So wad? so wad?? =p I will upload some pics of mine later on la, when u scroll down will see liao. mai kin tio, ppl~ Haha.

Now is starting of my study week then will have final soon liao. =.= Time flies huh, ppl~ Oways feel time pass so damn fast during sch times. Good oso la, means can meet my family in Kch real soon!! Wuhoo~~!!! ^^v And then wad more ha......oh~~ Juz watched the Final Destination 4 (3D) with ma frens at TGV KLCC. Hmph.....still ok la but i find that FD3 is much more thrilling. LOL! Ello~big FD fans here la!!! =p Suddenly miss the Kongs' tim....and the emo Lucky. xD Random. Haha.

Actually quite tired liao, din have enuf sleep for weeks. Haiz~ Wish i can sleep how long i want soon. Haha. Juz a small wish ma, God.....fulfill it for me fast plz, haha. Before i end my blogging, here comes the pics ppl!! Huhu~~ xD



*Fort Cornwallis*



*Fort Cornwallis*



*Fort Cornwallis*



*Fort Cornwallis*



*Cute horse at Fort Cornwallis* xD



*Gurney Plaza*



*He's real oh!!*



*Train up to Bukit Bendera*



*View from hill top of Bukit Bendera*




*Kek Lok Si*



*Kek Lok Si* (still under construction)



*Snake Farm*

P/S: Stay tough. Fighting!!


I miss home. (=